i just saw the constant gardener. omgggg how embarrassing! i walked out of the movie theater with tears running down my cheeks. i cant believe myself, wut a baby i am! but it was so sad! i guess i shudnt say wut happened in case anyone wants to see it also. u might not cry like i did, im a weirdo. but maybe u might. ill just say that ppl die in the movie. o but guess wut? well u c, i just turned 17 this march, so this was actualli the first rated r movie i ever saw in a theater! (ive seen rated r movies at home and i think in school.. i think.. wait.. did i? yes i did! in ms huggins class. she gave us a note to take home to our parents to sign. we saw boys don't cry.) on the way to the theater i was lyke to my dad, "omg do i need an id? we forgot it!" but hes lyke, "no, u look 17." (he didnt see the movie with me. he went to barnes n noble.) well he was right. i guess i do look 17. either that or the lady just didn't really care lol

theres just one part im gonna mention: its the part where the guy n girl are driving along the road in kenya, and they pass this young 15 year old girl carrying her child, and her lil brother is walkin with her. they have .. i think 40 miles to go to get to the hospital bcuz the baby needs sumthin.. or maybe the girl herself needs sumthin.. and its urgent.. so the woman says to her husband, "stop the car!" and the guy stops it for her, and she says, "come on, its onli a lil drive, lets take them!" but he says, "no, there are so many of them out there that we cant possibly help." but she says, but this is one that we can help." still her husband refuses.

then later wen shes dead the man echoes the same words wen he finds a young girl and wants to fly her to a refugee camp. but the pilot absolutely refuses. the pilot says the same thing: "we can't possibly help them all." and the man says the same thing his wife said: "but this is one we can help." he realized his wife was right all along, but too late.

i wonder if the pilot realizes the man is right all along.. but i hope he didnt realize it too late as well. (wonder if this was based on a true story. theres a book the movie was based on. i think i shud read it.)

theres a story about a man who was walking along the beach, and he saw a little girl picking up things and throwing them in the water. he realized there were thousands and thousands of starfish who'd been washed up on the shore, and the little girl was trying to save them. "you silly girl," he said. "don't u c u cant possibly save them all. there are too many!" the girl simply continued her work and said, "no. but i can save this one." she threw it in with a splash. "and this one," splash "and this one" ...

i think wat it is about ppl wen they see a big problem before them is that, they'll always feel guilty about the ones they leave behind. so they dont bother to help any of them. maybe they think, how should i know which one is the most deserving of my salvation of them? how can i choose which one to save? i can't do it. so i wont choose any. but the fact is, helping some is better than helping none.

i also realized, from watching the movie, there are 3 types of ppl in this world. there are:  (1) those that put others first and themselves last, (2)those that put themselves first and others last, and (3) those that havnt figured out wut they shud do. the first and the second are always at ends with one another. basically, in the movie, the wife was the first type. the husband was the third type, but upon his wifes death, became the first type. those in the big drug companies that decided to see the kenyan citizens as mere guinea pigs and allow them to die in an experiment they didn't even know they were part of, just because they wanted to save money and be more wealthy than they already were, were the second type.

wow i think i just realli told ppl wut happened in the movie, even tho i said i wasnt gonna. o well, i onli told like one big secret, the fact that the wife dies. but besides, u find that out like in the first 30 minutes of the movie.

newaiiz imma go to sleep. its madd late. ttylz ppl

wow havnt updated in a billion years.. omg this is the latest i hav ever not gone bak2skool shopping! i onli bought a few shirts.. i dunno y ive procrastinated so long.. i guess i just didnt feel like goin shoppin.. i always felt like doin other stuff. well my mom bought me a new backpack but.. well.. its aiight i guess lol just a lil too pink. i mean i like pink but.. i dunno.. i guess if u saw it ud kno wut i mean. oo i kno wat it is! its too bright! yeah.. ah well.. newaiiz glad camp is over.. i miss the pool definitely! but i dont miss those kids jumpin on my back thinkin im their freakin horse lol

newaiiz.. ah wat can i say.. dun wanna go bak to school but i do miss my friends. i think this summer was ok but i onli went to the beach once. im hoping to go this labor day weekend. its my last chance!

wat a summer. did u notice - we lived history. i really think we did. this is major. some noticed it, some didn't. those who noticed it felt its profound impact. boy did it hav an impact. and what does the near future hold? wat does it hold for my ppl and yours? im scared, to tell u the truth. i dunno wats gonna happen. i feel an earthquake trembling beneath my feet. there are prejudices on both sides. thats the terrible part. oh, God-willing it will all work out ok! who we need now is a new gandhi!

i want ppl to realize that no matter wat happens, there are good and bad on both sides. please dont forget that! please!

i dont want to lose my country. but i kno the other side doesn't even have a country at all! the trouble is, some of them want all of it, and some of us want all of it. but i believe both sides ought to divide it fairly amongst themselves. thats wuts about to happen hopefully bcuz of the pullout.

im tired of my father dragging me to all these events and hearing terrible prejudices. and then im tired of hearing about wut the other side is saying about us. i guess im sad bcuz - theyre rejoicing and now we're becoming homeless. thats not their fault that a bunch of the settlers hav no homes to go to - its actualli the governments fault cuz they weren't prepared like they should hav been.

theres a saying that we hav: do not rejoice when your enemy stumbles, and when he falls let your heart be not gladdened, lest God turn His wrath from him to you. that saying comes from the time wen we crossed the red sea, and the angels were rejoicing. but God turned to the angels and said, why are you rejoicing? my children are drowning!

that just shows, God cares about all of us. it doesn't matter what's our book, what is our name for the Being we worship, in what location is the place we worship at, how many refugees we have scattered.

my heart aches when any human being is suffering.

does yours?

hey guyz.. been a long time i kno.. u noe.. schoolwork n stuff.. summers here tho. workin in a camp as a counselor. not bad. the kids r ok and the counselors r all nice, not like last time in the other camp last summer. this ones pretty diverse, and u kno how much i like diversity.

hey i wanna make a list of something. i was just outside with my dad listening to this guy talk bout israel and its current situation, and i was presenting my point of view to the guy. afterwards, i thought of this list. here it is:

HOW TO DEBATE:

Rule #1: Never directly insult your opponent.

Rule #2: Always always always let your opponent present his/her evidence when they back up a point, even when you think its just propoganda. Don't shoot things down before they have a chance to rise, because you're not all that. You're not always right. Listen to what they have to say.

Rule #3: Don't be pompous. Be humble.

Rule #4: Compliment your opponent often on their eloquence, or anything you can think of that is relevant to the debate. (In my experience, complimenting their clothes or hair just makes the situation awkward, but that not might be true in all cases.)

Rule #5: I dunno but for me, trying to wander off the topic just doesn't work. Like, when I've tried to talk about not-so-serious things, like diverting attention to the snack table .. i dunno.. for me, it just makes everything so awkward and weird. Maybe it works for other people.

i dont think i ever broke rules 1-4.

u noe, it realli sux to come home from a losing debate to find your own mother rolling her eyes at u and tellin u to stop defending the "murderers," and hav ur sister pretending to support u and not realli knowin wut to say, and ur dad still thinking ur on the other side.

oh. my moms laughing now. she thinks shes so funny, makin her politically incorrect jokes. im not even talkin bak.

gotta shower now. ttyl

survey from halaz site that i filled out:

hey guyz. i got dis survey from nouraz site n just felt lyke takin it:

Bold The Ones That Apply

01. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year
02. I still watch cartoons.
03. I've never seen The O.C.
04. I love almost all music.
06. I want a tattoo.
07. I wear glasses.
08. But mostly to read the blackboard.
09. I want more piercings.
10. But I can't ever get any more.
11. I love to watch the rain.
12. I like to walk in the dark at night with someone special and talk.
13. I didnt believe in true love when i was younger.
14. I am a pretty cynical person sometimes.
15. Sometimes I cry for no damn reason.
16. I cry about stupid things.
17. I hate being walked all over and treated like crap.
18. It annoys me when people try to tell me how I am, and what I like.
19. I love music.
20. I am not sure if I believe in God. But i think i believe in a higher power.
21. I often feel alone.
22. I'm a sometimes a loud person.
23. A boy shattered my heart into a million pieces.
24. I get depressed sometimes.
25. I hate it when people criticize me for what I like.
26. I crack my knuckles, wrists, ankles, back, etc.
27. I fidgit with anything when I'm nervous.
28. I'm a weird person
29. I consider myself pretty unique.
30. My eyes are brown.
31. Listening to music usually helps my mood.
32. I am a disappointment to myself.
33. I love sleeping.
34. I'm obsessed with Vanilla.
35. I have a few close friends.
36. Okay, i have like 2 friends.
37. I need to lose weight.
38. I like popcorn.
39. I love watching tv.
40. I like malls.
41. I like cold weather better than hot.
42. I really dig Depeche Mode.
43. I love Winter.
44. I'm addicted to AIM.
45. I have trouble trusting people.
46. I do not label myself anything besides "me."
47. I love my family...
48. I loathe hot weather.
50. I hate shaving my legs.
51. Sleeping is a hobby of mine.
52. I like to listen to music everyday.
53. I love white tigers.
54. I love dancing.
55. I don't always like the way I look.
56. I used to cut myself.
57. I'm a daydreamer.
58. I like when my friends write me letters, it makes me feel special.
59. I like to be with my boyfriend/girlfriend.
60. I randomly doodle on pieces of paper or myself when boredom strikes.
61. I love all my friends.
62. I'm allergic to milk. - I use to be
63. I wish people would stop making me cry.
64. I hate people who try to be what they're not.
65. I went to boarding school for the last 2 years of high school
66. I love all candy, well, most.
67. I get my feelings hurt really easy.
68. I believe inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.
69. I wear pants a lot.
70. I am often bored.
71. I like to say what's on my mind.
72. I hate blue jeans
73. I'm online a lot.
74. I have 2 goldfish
75. I am for the most part happy with myself.
76. I need to work out more.
77. I like being alone at certain times.
78. When I get angry, I curse to myself sometimes.
79. I wish I could spend more time with the ones I love.
80. I hate shallow people.
81. I'm a type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetic
82. I ponder life way too much.
83. Sometimes I think everyone hates me.
84. I wish my brother didn't die.
85. I hate it when girls have their thongs sticking really far out of the back of their pants.
86. I need to be showed I'm loved.
87. I wish I was better.
88. I hate discrimination.
89. I hate guys who are only out for one thing.
90. I have a cute car.
91. I love glitter
92. I sometimes wish I was more social.
93. I love my close friends.
94. I love to have fun.
95. I get amused easily.
96. I'm a lazy ass. I really am.
97. I'm usually more outgoing when I'm around friends.
98. I love to be me.
99. I like wearing hoodies.